gjb Posted January 27, 2017 Report Share Posted January 27, 2017 About this time of the year, older taxpayers in the UK will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel' payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel' payment?A. It is money that the government will give to taxpayers Q. Where will the government get this money?A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?A. Only a smidgen of it Q. What is the purpose of this payment?A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?A. Shut up Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel' cheque wisely: * If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to Gibraltar, Ireland and Luxembourg *If you spend it on Amazon your money will go Lichtenstein *If you spend it on eBay your money will go Switzerland. * If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China. * If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Kenya, Spain, or Morocco. * If you spend it on 'cheap' cigs it will end up in Romania or Bulgaria * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea * If you buy a luxury car it will go to India or Germany or Japan. * If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1. Spending it at car boot sales 2. Going to night clubs 3. Spending it on call girls 4. Buying cider, beer or scotch 5. Getting yourself a Tattoo 6. Visiting a bookie (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K.) Conclusion: Go to a night club with a tattooed call girl that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer all day and night! It's the patriotic thing to do. No need to thank me... Just glad I could be of help. Brian, gaffa, Reel Wizzard and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Posted January 28, 2017 Report Share Posted January 28, 2017 Fantastic ! ! gjb 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mw Posted January 28, 2017 Report Share Posted January 28, 2017 If I drink beer all day the call girl would be disappointed mw gjb 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjb Posted January 28, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2017 If I drink beer all day the call girl would be disappointed mw I am afraid there comes a time when you can't blame the beer Jim 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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