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  1. Haha
    gaffa got a reaction from Tiddler in TM's Brexit Deal   
  2. Haha
    gaffa got a reaction from Tiddler in TM's Brexit Deal   
  3. Haha
    gaffa got a reaction from Tiddler in TM's Brexit Deal   
  4. Like
    gaffa reacted to sparky in This weekend weather watch for the Cod Comp (16th)   
    That gives us all a chance then !!!    
  5. Like
    gaffa reacted to Neal in Happy birthday Neal - the big 60..   
    Thanks guys,
    Decided to have a fairly quiet night, didn't end up that way at all.
    Finally staggered across the road to the hotel at 4 am.
    Suffering for it today.😎
    Not missing cold, wind or rain one little bit!
  6. Like
    gaffa reacted to iansimpson63 in Happy birthday Neal - the big 60..   
    Harry Bertday Missur Neal,
    hope the lady boys are looking after you and your birthday had a happy ending.
  7. Like
    gaffa reacted to alun j. in Not going out !   
    All ok today !  Route in/out is a bit longer now the Bar has grown to the East . The yellow buoys help but if the tide is down a bit or any swell you need to go well East of the last yellow.
    Sea state was OK early on today but got rather snotty as the wind freshened from SE...then went to S and eased a bit.
    Had a try for whiting ...and managed a couple but was besieged by dogfish. Came back in [with the wind] found a few livebaits and got my bass.....then into the harbour to see if any flounders...and managed one !...before an early finish.
  8. Haha
    gaffa reacted to Tarlach. in The trucker and the emu   
    An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu
    behind him.
    The waitress asks them for their orders.
    The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the
    'What's yours?' 'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.
    A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be
    $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
    change and pays.
    The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says,
    'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
    The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'
    Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
    This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the
    'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a
    salad,'says the man..
    ' Same for me,' says the emu.
    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places
    it on the table.
    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me
    mate, How do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket
    every time?'
    'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the
    back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared
    and offered me two wishes.
    My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just
    put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
    'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a
    million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want,
    for as long as you live!'
    'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
    exact money is always there.' says the man.
    Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'
    The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall
    bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.
    FREE Animations for your email
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    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  9. Like
    gaffa got a reaction from lofty in Is the Bridge saying something?   
    The report is that one of the component manufacturers has gone into liquidation not the main contractor or design consultancy so there should still be a solution available.......at some time in the future..
    It is worrying that the council are being sparse with the information as to what has gone wrong and who has gone bust.
    If its the hydraulics supplier I'm sure alternative components can be sourced and the design adjusted to accommodate them..
    If its an electrical issue ,there are numerous systems integrators around that can sort it out at a price.
    If its the steel supplier then there may be a stress related design flaw which has pushed them into the closure .
    All very speculative at the moment but not good news in the short or long term for motorists or boat users /manufacturers or the RNLI
  10. Haha
    gaffa reacted to Reel Wizzard in Very funny / hope it is ok   
    A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter. 
    Dear Maggie,
    I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. 
    I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
    When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
    Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
    I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
    All my love,
    P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
  11. Like
    gaffa reacted to Reel Wizzard in Shark joke   
  12. Like
    gaffa reacted to Tiddler in Twin Sails   
    I had to Google that one Tony.
    Here's the explanation for anyone else who didn't know or had forgotten.
    " a camel is a horse designed by a committee " 
    I think you've summed it up there Tony.
  13. Sad
    gaffa reacted to jerry.shutter in Is the Bridge saying something?   
    And you know if they say 3 months it will be 9. I reckon the bridge designers/ builders were boat builders in there previous life🤪🤪🤪
  14. Like
    gaffa reacted to Tarlach. in Temptation   
    A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,
    "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith" The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
    The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith."
    The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  15. Haha
    gaffa reacted to Tarlach. in The son in law   
    A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents.
    After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man.
    The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.
    "So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.
    "I am a biblical scholar," he replied.
    "A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"
    "I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."
    "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.
    "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."
    "And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"
    "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.
    The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.
    Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?"
    The father answered, "He has no job, he has no plans, and he thinks I'm God."
    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  16. Haha
    gaffa reacted to Tiddler in Call centre exam   
    Nice one Kam
    " They don't like it up em "
    I think I've had the same fella on my phone.
    I pretended to follow his instructions and when he asked hat I could see on the screen I told him " dancing fairies "
    He very clearly said much the same as your fella. . . . . . . . 
    As for helplines . . . . . . . I usually understand Indians.
    But Scottish . . . . .  Nah ! can't follow THEM. 
  17. Haha
    gaffa reacted to Newboy in Call centre exam   
    No disrespect to people who work in call centres from the Indian subcontinent, but sometimes their accent is difficult to understand when they speak politely, I found that I can understand them better when they speak with passion and emotions. This is 100% true story happened today.
    Had a chap (he introduced himself as David) called me up from Microsoft at 14:00, apparently I've some malicious malware on my computer, and he would help me get rid of them.
    As some of you are aware, I'm of Chinese origin, my English is good but sometime pronunciation s can be a little off. However David really has a strong Indian accent and sometimes he has trouble hearing me.
    It took us 15 mins before he got to the stage where I near to press a few bottons.
    "Now press the ctr key and the window key together and hold them down": he said.
    I fumbled for a bit and told him:"I can't".
    He couldn't understand what I was trying to tell him, but he was patient and after another 5 mins, he told me to press down ctr with 1 finger and the window key with another finger, and that's all.
    "That's what I was trying to tell you, I physically can't." I said, "you see I had an accident a few years back and lost my left hand and all my fingers except my middle finger on my right hand".
    At this point, his English became really good.
    " I'm going to find you and kill you"
    " Fxxk you......"
  18. Like
    gaffa reacted to Tiddler in Is the Bridge saying something?   
    The people who decided we needed it must be SO PROUD of themselves.
    They probably go all goose pimpley at it permanently stuck in the up position like that. 
  19. Like
    gaffa got a reaction from Tiddler in Is the Bridge saying something?   
    Oh its still up then
    So no problems with the high winds 😎
  20. Like
    gaffa reacted to Tarlach. in Call centre exam   
    Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
    The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, You have passed all the tests, except one. It is a simple test of your English language skills. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'
    Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
    The manager said, you must make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .'
    Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready.'
    The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
    Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, yellow, this is Mujibar.'
    Mujibar now works at a call center.
    No doubt you have spoken to him.
    I know I have.
    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  21. Haha
    gaffa reacted to Tarlach. in Golf joke   
    Husband returns home late from the golf course ---
    "Wife" - "Where have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!
    " Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey... but you probably don't want to hear the reason.
    " Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW !
    " Husband - "Fine We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the Clubhouse, I hopped in
    the car, and would have been here at 12 on the Button. ..... On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire.
    I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refuse it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.
    She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.
    Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table.
    She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.
    Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ..... the talking stopped....and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. ...... I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. ............ There! You wanted the truth....you got it.
    Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you!
    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  22. Sad
    gaffa reacted to Stuie in Twin Sails   
    There's another failure by BofP Transport Dept - traffic lights that can't be synchronised - in this day and age - what a travesty.
  23. Sad
    gaffa got a reaction from Tiddler in Twin Sails   
    My thoughts exactly Mike.
    They are going to be exposed to a lot of stress in the forthcoming high winds
  24. Like
    gaffa got a reaction from Tiddler in Lever Arch Folders & Ring Binders   
    Thanks for the reminder Dave.
    So guess I cant interest you in some folders then.
    These Folders have been used for technical info (some of it 1980's vintage I'm such a horder ☺️)
    All my financial business data and invoicing etc etc since 2001 is stored electronically in multiple locations and with my accountant.
    I am sooooo muuuuch the horder
  25. Like
    gaffa got a reaction from fisherman1055 in Twin Sails   
    Seems to be a practical solution at first sight ...however ...with todays construction environment I guarantee it would end up as a high maintenance operation with plenty of closures.
    It would not be wide enough to take maintenace or emergency vehicles ,the ventilation and lighting  systems would be unreliable or innadequate, and it would probably have a toll to cover maintenance costs(or budget overruns).
    Oh yeah ..it would probably LEAK.
    Why have I become so cynical in my old age .I wasn't like this in my youth?